Are you worried aliens are reading your brain patterns?

Is the secret world government always trying to probe top secret information only you know?

Does the thought of a chemtrail particle getting in your hair fill you with existential dread?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then we have the solution for you: tin-foil hats!

Tin foil hats are the most trusted solution to any extraterrestrial or reptilian threat. The material is scientifically proven to block theta waves and orgone energy. And by “scientifically” we mean our scientists, not those government-funded quacks.

Follow this handy guide to create your own today.

Please note that tin foil is commercially sold as “aluminum” foil. This is a lie propagated by the American government following a duplicitous metal sale to the Greys.